Mothers

Today is Mothers Day and I celebrate seven beautiful reasons why I am called Mom. Duane and I wanted a large family, 5 children sounded ideal for us, but two more to make seven was our lucky number.

A few year ago on Mothers Day Duane was given the task of giving a talk on mothers for church. I share this talk mainly for my children, Duane's children, so that they will always understand how highly their father revered women, especially women who are called Mother.

What is a mother?

by Duane Summers

Honey, I'm home! Wow, dinner smells terrific, the house is in pristine condition, the kids are finished with their homework and are playing nicely together, reading books, practicing the piano, and some are even memorizing their scriptures. Today you have washed, dried, folded, and put away all of the laundry, scrubbed the bathrooms, and mopped the kitchen floor, all while reading to the kids, being the PTA president, fulfilling your important church callings , and oh yea, you saved the world from the evil supervillian trying to destroy it.

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Sometimes, the perception that we have of mothers can be a little distorted. Sometimes the expectations mothers have for themselves can be equally distorted.

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So if being a mother is not synonymous with being Superwoman, then what is a mother?

According to The Family Proclamation, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

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It's funny, nowhere can I find a definition of mother that resembles that of Superwoman. Nowhere can I find a definition of mother that mentions perfection. Well, except for that parenting handbook that comes with the birth of each child.

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A mother is a sensitive, courageous, selfless teacher. A mother is a loving, compassionate, nurturing, protecting hero.

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The true definition of a mother is a woman caring for God's children. This means that those times when you feel that you can't do this any more; those times that you don't measure up the expectation of Superwoman; those times that you are stretched thin and about to snap, at those times, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are learning and progressing. You are taking the test of life that we hear about.

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In school, you want a 100% on the test. However, in life, these tests are graded on a pass/fail basis. You don't need to get a perfect 100% to pass the motherhood test. You don't even have to take this test by yourself. Your are given some lifelines.

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You have a husband who, according to The Family Proclamation is "obligated to help (mothers) as equal partners." Dads, remember this not just today, but every day.

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You have your extended family, your church family, home and visiting teachers to help as well.

You also have the Lord. In a conference talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, he quotes a mother who says "Maybe it is precisely (a mother's) inability and anxiousness that urge (her) to reach out to (the Lord) and enhance His ability to reach back to (her). Maybe He secretly hopes we will be anxious and will plead for His help. Then, ...., He can teach these children (and these mother) directly,.....with no resistance offered."

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I could tell you stories of mothers doing extraordinary things; of mothers who protect their children at the risk of their own lives; of mothers who accomplished great feats of strength. But, these are not the true stories of great mothers.

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Great mothers are the ones who try their best. Great mothers are the ones who don't always know what to do. Great mothers are the ones who stay up late worrying about their children's lives, their grades in school, and the experiences they can give their children. Great mothers sometimes have dirty dishes and piles of laundry because they are spending that time with their kids. Great mothers go without so their kids can have. Great mothers know what foods their kids will eat and what foods their kids won't eat. The children may not agree, but great mothers make their kids eat things they don't want to.

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Great mother are the ones who endure to the end.

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When I am asked if my wife works, I always answer, very hard. I am quick to point out that I have the easy job. I get to leave every morning, go to my quiet office and then come home. My wife on the other hand, does not have the eight to five job. She does not get to have a vacation day, (well except maybe for mother's day). Even today, she fixed hair, got her younger kids dressed, and did the usual Sunday morning routine.

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I was asked the other day, what legacy I would like to leave for the City of Broken Arrow. My answer is the same answer that every mother could answer. I would like to see my kids grow up and carry on where I left off.

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Elder Holland said that "Sometimes the decision of a child or a grandchild will break your heart. Sometimes expectations won't immediately be met. Every mother and father worries about that. .....But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your named blessed, just like those generation of fore mothers before you who hoped your same hopes and felt your same fears."

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Remember to be a great mother you must endure to the end. You must work daily to help your children realize that they are precious sons and daughters of Heavenly Parents. Remember that "(you" are doing God's work. Your are doing it wonderfully well He is blessing you and He will bless you, even-no especially- when your days and your nights may be the most challenging." Hold on to the rod and you will be as the mothers of the 2,00 stripling warriors.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

When I happened upon the hard copy of his talk, it was as if a last Mother's Day gift was given, a gift I may read and read over again reminding me of his love for me as a mother, the love he had for his own mother, the love he held in his heart for any true Mother. Happy Mother's day.

Doctor Who

I, Rebecca, do swear that my children, Molly, Benjamin, Kaitlyn, Jackson, Grace, Hannah, and Emma are all British Sci-Fi junkies, namely Doctor Who. Ok, ok, I did leave out one crucial person, I too am hooked! So where did this love of quirky tv shows come from? Daddy of course! He loved to watch Doctor Who as a kid, and it wasn't until this last year that he rediscovered and passed down to the children the joy of watching the Time Lord and his Tardis.

In the beginning of chemo treatments 3 days would be devoted to misery. The nausea, fatigue and discomfort was great, so the majority of those days were spent either in bed or on the sofa. The television became his friend, movies he loved to watch, shows he now had time to watch, all things to help him escape from the present misery he felt.

Duane rediscovered Doctor Who one night and I swear he was a kid in a candy store, just giddy! The first episode he showed everyone was Tooth and Claw, about an alien(of course) werewolf race wanting to take over the British monarchy, Queen Victoria to be exact. Duane warned us it might be a little scary, little? Jack was terrified! Strangely, one by one all the monkeys and I became avid Who watchers with Daddy. Hannah would sit on Duane's lap, watch a little "Gocker Who" and talk none stop about Rose, the tardis and the Gocker. Those are precious memories I have, watching the two of them, Daddy and his 3 year old.

Last night I became keenly aware of the impact this one love of Duane's has had on his family, a lasting ritual. Saturday nights, after the recent episode had recorded on the DVR, all Duane's children, his wife and his dog gather in the living room, giddy, once like there Dad was, and we watch Doctor Who. It feels good, it feels just like he was sitting there with us, just like I could glance over, see Duane sitting in "his spot" eating a pickle, smiling and watching British Sci-Fi with his family. Yea, it feels good. Thank you Duane for loving Doctor Who.

to Hate Pioneer Bean Soup

Pioneer Bean Soup Recipe

2 cups 13 bean mix

6 cups water

1 meaty uncooked ham bone or ham hock

1 large onion, chopped

2 large carrots, chopped

1 stalk celery, chopped

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon thyme

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

6 cups water

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

Place beans in a colander, look through the dry 13 beans to see if there are any rocks and remove them if you find any.Wash and drain the 13 beans.Place beans into the soup pot.Cover 13 beans with the first amount of water.Cover beans and let set 8 hours or overnight.Drain and rinse the 13 beans and return to pan.Add the diced ham or ham hock, chopped vegetables, basil, thyme, Worcestershire and second amount of water.Stir to blend.Bring 13 bean soup mixture to a boil, reduce the heat to medium-low and cook until the meat is tender enough to easily remove from bone.Cut meat off bone and put the ham back into the soup.Continue to cook for allotted time or until 13 soup beans are tender and the flavors blend. Add the salt and pepper just before serving.

Duane was the most agreeable man you would ever meet. He was a people pleaser and wanted the world to be his friend. Whenever a meal was placed before Duane he genuinely liked 99% of what was made, just the natural people pleasing aspect of his personality. Example of how much he loved me and never wanted to hurt my feelings, I burned a pizza, pretty bad actually, and he would tell everyone that he had never tasted a more delicious pizza in his entire life. That was my guy, until.... The Pioneer Bean Soup Incident, as it became to be known in the Summers house.

I love soup, a soup Nazi of sorts, you insult my soup, NO SOUP FOR YOU! I love bean soups in particular, the fiber, the protein, it's a musical fruit, just so many qualities. I had found a recipe for using 13 beans, WOW, 13! I had never made such a Hodge podge of beans in a soup before. The excitement just filled the air as the soup bubbled and simmered away. Serving time arrived, it smelled yummy to me. Duane took a bite or two then declared that he really did not like pioneer bean soup. WHAT? Did he just say that he didn't like something I had made? I mean come on, you ate the burned pizza for goodness sakes. But alas, yes, Duane did not like my pioneer bean soup. NO SOUP FOR YOU! My pride was definitely bruised, that dear sweet man tried to make amends, but that soup recipe was forever put into the "Do not touch, even if your life depended on it" file, and for years we laughed about The Pioneer Bean Soup Incident.

Now For a Bean soup recipe that Duane absolutely loved, he made that very clear after a few nummie bites.

Chicken, Bacon and White Bean Soup

6 strips bacon

1 large onion, chopped
3 stalks celery, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 carrots, diced
1 lb white beans, soaked overnight

2 qt chicken stock
Leftover grilled chicken

¼ t cayenne pepper
1 t creole seasoning

salt and pepper

In stock pot render bacon until crispy, remove bacon. Saute onions, celery, garlic and carrots in the bacon fat. Add the stock and drained beans. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Allow to cook for 2+ hours until desired tenderness. Add the shredded chicken, bacon and remaining seasonings. Simmer for additional 15 minutes. Serve with crusty bread.

Grapefruit Juice and Snickers Bars

The breakfast of champions, well maybe not, but the breakfast choice of Duane. When Duane and I first met he was a freshmen at OSU and had the cutest behind on the planet. We spent every waking hour together, sometimes starting the day really early. So when I discovered his choice breakfast did I run for the hills, nah. I tasted the combo of a Snickers bar and a bottle of grapefruit juice, thought he was strangely adorable and melted even more for the taste- challenged fellow. Who would ever have thought of such a combo.

Later on maybe the combo of Snickers and grapefruit juice together faded, but the love for either one never did. The Snickers bar did evolve into Snickers with almonds, but grapefruit juice always remained the same. His love for grapefruit juice has now passed on to Ben, who I do believe someday will have ulcers because of the mass quantities he drinks.

Everyone!

Daddy loved EVERYONE! Will Rogers once said "I never met a man I didn't like.", well that was Dad. Always the first to say hello. He wanted to love and be loved by all he knew.

Let's start with Grace. Daddy loved Grace, and why? Gracie says "Daddy loves me because I love him!" Yes Grace, you are so right. Daddy knew how much you loved him, you filled a very special spot in his heart, the "Grace" spot.
Ben, the constant comic, says, "Dad loved how funny I was.". It's never too heavy in a room that Ben occupies, so yes Ben, Daddy loved how funny you were and laughs even now at some of the silly things you do.

Emma will always be Daddy's baby girl, and oh, how Daddy loved babies. Emma, Daddy loved to hold, rock and cuddle you, "That is Daddy!" says Emma.

"Because he's my Dad." Oh Jack, how simple it really is, Dad loved you because he was YOUR Dad! What a gift to be a dad and your dad knew that, he treasured that.

Katie, the peter pan of the Summers clan, knew that Daddy loved her because "I was his little girl and I made him smile." No one really ever grows up and stops being daddy's little girl, your right Katie you were always his little girl and forever will be, especially with those freckles.

Two peas in pod, Molly and Daddy, especially when it came to the love of the theater. "Daddy loved to work backstage with me at recitals and at the Nutcracker.", you'll never know Molly just how much your Daddy loved to be backstage with you. His heart was full sharing that passion with one of his children.

So as I'm asking Hannah to tell me why Daddy loved her, she came running in with a BIG knife!! Yes Hannah that sums it all up, why did Daddy love you so much, spontaneity, hilarity, craziness, Hannah-nannaness. YOU!

From the moment he knew we would be together forever, my love Never treated me anything less than the jewel that he thought I was. No woman, in my opinion, could have ever felt more loved, desired, and adored. He loved ME! I was the key to his heart, his happiness, his world.

He loved his brother. He kept him on his toes and kept him challenged. The children would love to hear stories of Uncle Darrell and Daddy's chess matches, or how they got certain games banished for life.

The first time Duane met his potential grandparents-in-law he wanted to be just like them. He loved the example they set of activity, endurance, bravery, and marital companionship. They became his grandparents, not just mine.

Megan was his little baby sister, maybe not by blood but definitely by heart. Oh how he loved to tease and torment that little punk. He loved Megan's passion and only wanted the best for his little sis. Ben he knew would take care of his Megan, he always wanted to make him feel like a instant part of the family.

Not your normal in-law relationship. Duane was a lucky man to have two sets of parents, he loved and respected my mom and dad like his very own. Never a moments hesitation to call them mom and dad, he loved them dearly. Always wanting to be apart of the family, he would drop everything to help take care of my parents.

A son learns from his parents how to be a wonderful husband and father. He loved the example they set for him and wanted to set that same example for his children. His desire to be apart of their life went as far as putting career ambition aside so he could always be close to his parents.

Friends, close friends like the Guidry family made Duane's heart full. He admired the hard work and dedication of his friend Chris, loved Jessie's devotion to me, and would never bat and eyelash at doing anything for the Guidry children. They were his extended family.

When I asked the children what should be the first thing that we talk about in Daddy's book, some said, "he loved chicken and dumplings!"(that's for another post), "he loved his kids!"(that's for another post), "He Loved Everyone!". YES! That's It! He truly loved everyone, so we started his book with the huge heart that Duane had. Everyone.

Once in church I asked him why he went over to say hi to so many strangers, new faces he didn't even know. His reply "They need to know that someone is happy to see them here." He even loved perfect strangers. What a great example Daddy will always be to each of us, just love.